Down and Out and Struggling in LONDON – PART SIX

As I trudge towards the theatre, a huge tramping pack full of props on my back, two black rubbish bags of shoeboxes in my hands, my aching arm pressing a small table to my side, desperately attempting to summon the energy to get through what will probably be a mammoth to-do list, I wonder what led me to this point, what sacrifices I made to be here, all to be ‘living the dream’.

Many apologies for being so late with this instalment. They shall become more regular, I promise. There has been so much gold that I want to share with you but unfortunately some of it has now slipped my mind. So I must be more regular!

Biggest news first – I have managed to mount my first full London production. Sheesh! To tell you the truth it’s basically no different from mounting a show in NZ. Same egos involved, same pack-in times, same lights, same backstage area. Only differences are it’s a lot harder to get props and set pieces to the theatre because everything is so spread out over here! And also, everything is so well attended. Probably half the audience came just from seeing the flyers and reading the internet postings. Weird, I know. There’s such a culture of attendance here. People go to the theatre. It’s bizarro. And four of our five nights sold out. Which is great! (admittedly only 70 people could sit in the audience). Point of interest here – a professional season is a minimum of three weeks long. If you want reviews it has to run for three weeks. If you want to be considered a professional, it has to be a three week season. So our piddly five-night run probably just didn’t cut it. But it was a good start.

I have to tell you about opening night. Sheesh! So all the audience, mostly brits, came in all quiet and reserved, and sat down. The play began and there was some of the funniest shit going on on stage but it warranted only the occasional titter. I was sitting up in the lighting box, feeling depressed and about ready to end it all with a fork in the light socket, when my English Lighting operator told me it was all going extremely well. Excuse me? She thought the audience were loving it. After the show the two kiwi actors and I gripped each other in agony, holding back the tears fro what we thought was a complete failure. Then our English actor burst into the room all positive like, telling us how much the audience were responding . . . I guess you could say the British really are a reserved breed. Out-loud laughing? Not on their repetoire.

So then, of course, you’ve got the arduous task of talking to people after the show. I have never liked – in fact I loathe – this particular task. Especially when you know they haven’t particularly liked it. Or then there are the ones that love making their opinion heard and give you a list of your shortcomings. Ah well. Part of the job, I guess. I do try and take criticisms and suggestions as best as one can. It’s never easy though, is it? And then it’s always so brilliant to talk to those few who it really touched. There was one Irish nurse who cornered me and told me all about eating disorders (a theme of the play) and how it really got into the addictive side of the disorders. Then rattled off all the people she knew who had issues with food. Then there was the blonde who just smiled with wide eyes, unable to form words, esentially, and finally, telling me she was my new number one fan. Ah, so good to have one’s ego stroked.

Right, I have one other thing to tell you. So anyway, I had to transport all these props and shoeboxes and a small table to the theatre, and no one had access to a car, so I had to take them on the bus by myself. I put all the props into a tramping pack, shoeboxes into rubbish bins, gathered everything around me, waddled to the bus stop and got on. I found a nice little corner and thought – this isn’t going to bad! I could have even potentially brought more with me. Cue the message fromt he bus driver, 15 minutes in, saying there was a traffic delay due to road works. Sheesh. The bus was basically stationary. I decided to stick it out but knew I was meeting the lighting designer (who we were paying for) in an hour so I decided to walk until the road works were over. Gathering all my shit around me I joined the march outside. Throngs of people banging into my pack. The rubbish bags of shoeboxes threatening to erupt. I could sense doom but began to walk. I decided to count the buses I passed because I am obsessed with counting, and I wanted to chart the brevity of the situation. I walked past 78 stationary buses, interspersed with cars, taxis, and lorries. By the time I finally passed them and reached the roadworks I was basically at the theatre, so just continued, my arms dying and the bulging tramping pack crucifying me. Throughout the trek I was continuously asking myself why. And there’s that voice in your head that tells you you will never get there on time, and that you will never get the show up and running. But you always do. Somehow.

After the last night we had to pack out straight away within one hour because the next company wanted to pain the set white. Does the stress ever end? I then had to lug the tramping pack and table all the way home again (thankfully having binned the shoeboxes). I then attended the raging cast party and tried Cocaine for the first time. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what all the fuss is about.

So. First show done and dusted. And what did I get from it all? Not much. I had an amazing time working with the actors and the script, and there were a few important people in the audience. I’m also meeting with a director who say the play, in a few hours. So we will see what happens.

And now it’s onto the next show. We have another season planned for late March at Pleasance Theatre. I wrote a play about a Hen’s party but I predicted it would be a nightmare trying to get seven women in the same room regularly enough to get it up and running. So I’ve written a new play called – A Simple Procedure. It was inspired by watching the Zeitgeist movie on Youtube, and discussion with two of the actresses. We had a readthrough the other day and afterwards NO ONE SAID ANYTHING. Not one word of praise! So funny. So let’s see how this one goes down, guys.

Right. I better get going. I’m leaving for Kenya tonight and have a momental to-do list.

Hope everyone is well and smiling. Much Love

Sainsbury.